OUT TO EAT

            Boyd and I don’t go out to eat a lot. We are both very content to stay at home, especially this time of the year when it gets dark early and is cold. He enjoys watching sports activities on TV and I enjoy reading. So when we do go out, it is always special.

This is the time of the year when ranchers and their spouse are invited to numerous “educational” dinners sponsored by veterinarians, animal drug companies, and animal groups. These are usually held at up-scale eating establishments where the food is excellent. The dress for these is casual, meaning we can go dressed in our jeans, so I am comfortable.

            I do enjoy these – a break from the normal slow evenings and a way to mingle with friends and neighbors during the cold winter evenings. The presentations are interesting and educational. Boyd and I both learn a lot at these and there are door prizes too, which are often very lucrative prizes.

            There happens to be hidden deep inside of me something besides: rancher’s wife; cook; gofer; fence fixer; and keeper of the books. That something is called woman.

            When we go to these winter dinners meetings woman emerges. This is one place that I cannot control her. She becomes especially strong as the door prizes are drawn. For some reason woman cannot get excited about:

• Ten free heifer pregnancy tests;
• A free semen and Trichimonis test
• Scour pills;
• A bottle of Uterine Bolus pills, used to help a cow that hasn’t cleaned out after giving birth;
• Pills to give a cow with mastitis
• New hats
• A small container of Roundup spray or other products being presented at the time
• A lariat or a whip
• Leather gloves
• A hot shot, whip or prod
• Ear tags

Can you understand why woman makes herself known to me at times like this? Woman wants to laugh out loud when I win one of those things, not because of the joy of winning, but the humor in my winning.

Woman does appreciate how the men like to win these things, even though she doesn’t want any of them. In fact, she understands why these are given as door prizes, and she doesn’t deny the fact that they are good advertising for the companies that donate the prizes.

I wonder what would happen if Boyd accompanied me to a dinner meeting that involved women and what they do, such as beauty products, cooking wares, cleaning products, crafting, etc. I’m sure I could find one to go to. And then maybe the door prizes would be more to the liking of the female gender, such as:

• A free pedicure and/or manicure
• A basket of lotions, perfume, and/or make up
• A free massage
• A bucket with cleaning supplies
• Free crafting supplies
• A new sauce pan
• Lots of free recipes

Come to think of it, I have seldom been invited to that type of a dinner meeting. Actually, when it comes right down to it my main interest is with the farm and ranch. So I am going to have to try to control woman to keep her from offending the sponsors of these dinner meetings that Boyd and I attend, and hope we keep being invited to them. I do enjoy the dinners and the meetings, and we use the door prizes we win. Plus I enjoy an evening out with my husband, no matter where we go.

And I am going to try to control woman, keep her from voicing her opinion when we are in public. Maybe it is best that we enjoy staying home away from the crowds. Woman never presents herself under those circumstances.